


i'm gonna get you to burst just like you were a bubble

by reachedthebitterend



Series: truth serum-ish [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 04:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachedthebitterend/pseuds/reachedthebitterend
Summary: Michael wants Alex to tell him the truth about how he really feels.





	i'm gonna get you to burst just like you were a bubble

**Author's Note:**

> written 07/06/19

Michael thinks that maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised when he got to the junkyard and got into the Airstream to find Alex lying back on the bed staring up at the ceiling with a lost look on his face.

He stops as soon as Alex sits up and glares at him as though Michael was the one who sneaked into his cabin while he wasn’t there. Which, granted, has happened, but not the point.

“What are you doing here?” Michael asks letting his hands fall to his sides since he’d been about to pull his shirt off to find a fresh-er one.

Alex shakes his head. “What are _you _doing here?”

Michael raises an eyebrow and looks around the space, and notes that it looks marginally less dusty than he expected and cleaned up, and that there’s even a guitar on top of the desk that he _knows _belongs to Alex because he’s seen it in the corner of his bedroom.

Michael furrows his brow and looks back at Alex who shrugs. “You’re never here anymore. You’re at the cabin or in the lab or at the bar.”

Michael gives him a look at that, “That doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

Alex sighs, chews on his lip and then blows out an exasperated air. “I come here when I want to be alone because it’s the only place I know no one will come looking for me.”

He looks at Michael like it’s all his fault that Alex can’t keep his mouth shut, and Michael kind of forgot about the fact that this whole mess happening right now is because Liz accidentally doused everyone with the serum meant to help them channel their emotions easier to give them a power boost.

He also can’t get the look on Alex’s face as he told Michael, _You’re the only thing in this whole world that I consider mine, and I’m not going to give you up easily_, out of his head.

Michael licks his bottom lip and just watches him.

Alex blinks at him, and then his eyes go a little wide, and he looks away hurriedly, hands clenching on top of his lap.

“Stop looking at me,” he demands, voice shaking a little.

“Why?” Michael asks.

“Because it makes me want things that I can’t have.”

Michael feels his heart skip a beat and sees how Alex tips over on the bed, grabbing the pillow and pulling it over his head.

“Can you please just leave me alone until I get this out of my system? Don’t you think I’ve done enough damage today?” Alex’s voice is muffled, but Michael can hear him clearly.

And still, Michael doesn’t move. He knows he should, knows he should leave Alex alone, and not only because he asked, but also because he can’t control what he says, but-

But Michael _needs _to know, he needs to know how Alex really feels about him. Because words shouted during a near death experience mean nothing if you can’t say them when there is no danger of dying.

“Alex,” Michael says, and Alex pulls the pillow from over his head and looks at him incredulously, as though he knows exactly what Michael wants to know, as though he can’t believe that Michael doesn’t already _know_.

Michael inhales deeply and opens his mouth to speak, and then Alex sits up raising a hand in the air to stop him.

He looks at Michael intently for a second before nodding his head.

“Mark me,” he says decisively.

“What?” Michael asks blankly.

“I can’t lie to you right now,” Alex says and it makes something sharp and painful catch in the back of Michael’s throat. “I want the same thing from you.”

“I’ve _never _lied to you,” Michael says immediately on the offensive.

“_I don’t love you_,” Alex says bitterly, with a bitter expression. “And lies of omission count, Guerin.”

Michael sighs roughly, scrubbing his hands over his face before he looks at Alex with a lost expression. “I don’t even know if I can.”

“Have you ever tried?” Alex asks, sounding trepidatious.

Michael licks his lips and shakes his head.

“Okay,” Alex says, softly. “I’ve read all of the research Liz has done on you guys, and the way she explains it, it’s almost like-” he cuts himself off and looks away from Michael.

“Almost like you’re reaching inside and leaving a part of yourself behind.”

Michael’s next breath shudders out of him. “Simple then,” he says, and Alex looks back at him, but Michael doesn’t give him an explanation.

He moves and Alex moves over so that there is enough space for him to sit down.

Michael sits as he can without actually touching Alex, and turns to face him.

Alex looks at him, and his lip is trapped between his teeth, as though he’s stopping himself from speaking.

Michael exhales and lifts his hand in the air between them. “Where do you want me to mark you?”

“Everywhere,” Alex says immediately on a breathy exhale, and then shuts his eyes tight and shakes his head.

Michael feels molten heat gather in the pit of his stomach at the thought of Alex having marks that he put on him covering every inch of his skin, but this is not what this is about.

Alex shakes his head again and reaches for Michael’s hand, Michael lets him tug his hand to the side of his neck, and he presses his fingers against his skin, and feels how fast his heart is beating.

Michael licks his lips swallowing. “You know the mark will stay for a few days at least?”

Alex looks at him, and chews his bottom lip hard before he blurts out. “I want everyone to see it. I want everyone to know that I’m-”

He presses his hand over his mouth and shuts his eyes tight, and Michael’s fingers dig into the back of his neck as he shakes him gently.

Alex looks at him apprehensively, and Michael raises an eyebrow. “Want them to know what?”

Alex closes his eyes again, and lets Michael tug his hand away from his mouth.

“That I’m yours,” Alex says like he can’t help it.

Michael digs his fingers harder into the back of his neck, and closes his eyes and concentrates.

He exhales all at once, and doesn’t really have to try to hard to think about reaching inside of Alex, because it’s very nearly impossible not to, especially because Alex is definitely reaching back, and so completely open that when Michael _pushes _it’s almost too much.

He gasps, mouth falling open as his hand heats up against Alex’s skin, and Alex moans low in his throat, shocked and loud and just like he does only when Michael pushes deep inside of him.

It makes Michael push in closer, his forehead falling to Alex’s, who presses one hand over Michael’s on his throat, locking their fingers together, and slides his other hand into Michael’s hair holding tight.

Michael can feel the connection take hold, but he pushes harder, until he can feel Alex’s heartbeat thundering in his head matching his own.

Michael stops, and Alex’s fingers tighten against his keeping his hand against his neck, and when Michael exhales roughly, Alex inhales sharply.

Michael opens his eyes and Alex is already staring back at him, eyes wide and bright with tears, and Michael had been lying to himself, he’d been lying to himself this whole time, because if he and Alex could find themselves on the same page, Michael knows that he won’t be able to resist falling into him.

It’s taking everything that he has, and the fact that they’re both still too tender from everything that has happened, to resist the pull whenever he sleeps in Alex’s bed, to wake up with Alex wrapped around him and leave, instead of turning around and kissing him awake.

Alex’s breath shudders out of him, and then he lets Michael go, hands dropping to his lap, and Michael moves back, but keeps their knees pressed together.

He watches as Alex blinks a few times and then licks his lips. “How do we know if it worked?”

Michael gives him a look. “Liz didn’t have anything to say in her notes.”

“Liz’s notes were more about how the connection felt during sex, and I really didn’t want to read the rest of it.”

Michael feels the way that his whole body lights up at the thought of having sex with Alex while they’re connected mentally, and sees the way that it affects Alex, how his mouth falls open, and his eyes go a little wide, and how his breathing gets faster.

“_Oh_,” Alex breathes, and Michael really needs to be sitting somewhere else if they’re actually going to have a conversation and not just fall into bed.

Alex moves then hands reaching for Michael because he’s got Michael’s emotions running through him, and none of his usual self control, and Michael stumbles to standing position and walks to his desk, dropping into the chair.

He looks over to Alex, to see him sitting rigid, with his fists clenched on his lap, and his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, and his eyes shut tight.

“Alex,” he says, and Alex’s entire body snaps to attention.

He looks at Michael, and swallows hard. “Just ask me already what you want to know that can’t possibly wait until-”

“Do you love me?” Michael blurts out, and Alex stops talking to give him an incredulous look.

“Are you serious?” he asks, flatly, looking exasperated.

Michael swallows as he feels the hurt spread through him, and Alex furrows his brow at him, face losing the incredulity.

“Fuck,” he breathes. “You cannot possibly be serious. You have to know that I do. I told you that I did! I even used the same words that you did because I didn’t know how else to say it!”

He stands up, and inhales deeply, and Michael looks up at him trying hopelessly to smother the spark of hope that lights up in his chest.

“I don’t look away, Guerin. I never have. I’ve never tried. I don’t know how. I don’t know how to do what you do and just keep pretending that everything is alright and just keep trying to smother my feelings in someone else. I don’t think anyone else will be able to love you the way that I do. Because no one knows you like I do, and I don’t know how to live knowing that you don’t feel the same about me. That you think someone else will love you better. That you think it will be easier to love someone else, when I can’t even think about _fucking _someone else, about letting someone else see me like you do because I don’t know how to be with someone that’s not you. I have no defenses when it comes to you, I tried to build a wall around my heart to protect you from myself, because I want anything that you can give me, and everything that you can’t.”

Alex is breathing heavily, and he’s taken steps to cross the small space that Michael tried to put between them, and Michael feels frozen in his chair, his heart thudding hard in chest and the fact that he can feel Alex like a starburst in the back of his head, the only things that let him know that this is all actually happening.

Alex drops to his knees in front of him, and Michael’s entire body tenses in anticipation.

“You’re mine,” he says voice low, eyes looking up at Michael, wide and honest and a little wild. “And I don’t mean that you’re my family, I mean that you’re my person. The only one that I have. The only one that I can trust with everything, every single part of me and know that you won’t use any of what I give against me.”

He inhales and it makes him tremble, but Michael still can’t seem to do anything but stare. 

“I love you, Michael,” he says and Michael’s heart stops beating. It sounds like a prayer, _worshipful_, his name falling like a benediction from Alex’s lips. “I’ve always loved you. I’ll _always _love you, no matter what you decide to do. Even if you decide that it’s not worth it, that _I’m_ not worth it. I’m never going to stop. I don’t know how.”

He shakes his head and swallows, and his eyes are bright with tears, and Michael thinks that maybe he should say something, but for the first time in his life the words he wants to say, are all stuck in his throat, and his mouth is so dry that he can barely swallow, let alone _speak_.

“But I can learn,” he continues, and Michael feels like someone punched him in the face. “I can learn to pretend that I don’t love you, that I don’t want you every second of everyday, that you’re the only person for me. If you want me to, I’ll back off, and give you the space to fall for someone else if that’s what you need to do to be happy. Michael, I’ll do anything to make you happy, even if it’s not with me, because you deserve it. You deserve the world, and I’ll give it to you. Whatever you want, whatever you need. Just tell me what you want and it’s yours.”

Michael moves and Alex freezes, looking at him with wide wet eyes.

Michael licks his lips and swallows hard, and presses his hands on either side of Alex’s jaw, sliding his fingers to the back of his neck.

Alex shudders in his hold, and Michael leans down, pressing his forehead to Alex’s as he closes his eyes.

He lets the emotions simmering in the back of his head and in his chest and low in his belly overwhelm him, and pushes it all along the connection he can feel between them.

Alex gasps low and needy in the back of his throat, as he presses in close, pressing his forehead harder against Michael’s and his hands are on Michael’s hips, fingers clenched against his belt loops, squeezing tight.

Michael lets the fear and the relief and the hunger and the overwhelming amount of adoration and love that he feels for Alex bleed from him and into Alex.

Alex makes an anxious whining noise low in the back of his throat, and Michael’s eyes flutter open and he looks into Alex’s eyes.

Alex is looking at him like he never looks away, and Michael knows that that’s exactly how he’s looking back at him.

Alex inhales, but before he can say anything else, Michael tightens his fingers against the back of Alex’s neck and into a kiss, answering him in the only way that Alex will understand.

Alex sobs against his mouth and surges up into the kiss, sliding his fingers into Michael’s hair and holding him tight, deepening the kiss.

Michael parts their mouths, and Alex follows his lips, moaning low when Michael doesn’t immediately start kissing him again.

Michael waits until Alex’s eyes flutter open, waits until Alex blinks the dazed look from his face, waits until Alex is focusing on him, completely present in this moment with Michael.

“I love you,” he says, and Alex exhales like he wasn’t expecting the words. 

“And,” he continues, sliding his hand down to Alex’s neck, where the skin feels hotter than the rest of him. “In a few hours, everyone will know that you’re mine.”

Alex swallows hard at that, and Michael can see how his pupils dilate from this close.

“What about Maria?” he breathes, and a flash of pain goes through Michael that causes Alex to pull back a little.

His brow furrows as he tries to figure out what Michael is feeling.

“I’ll talk to her,” Michael says, sliding his hand back into Alex’s hair and pulling him close again. “I’ll tell her everything. I’ll tell her that I’m sorry. I’ll tell her that I love you, that I always have, and that I always will. I’ll tell her that it was a mistake trying to start anything with her when I’ve never been able to get over you.”

“Good,” Alex breathes and then shuts his tight and shakes his head. “When is this thing going to go away?”

Michael licks his lips and shrugs a little. “It’s an untested serum. It might never go away.”

Alex opens his eyes to glare at him, and Michael just smiles back. “But don’t worry, I’ll make sure to keep your mouth too busy to talk.”

And then he seals the promise with a kiss.


End file.
